What can you do when someone has an addiction?

14 Mar 2024 | 3 min read | Updated: 29 Apr 2024

It is a painful reality that many of us may face: discovering that a loved one is struggling with addiction. The emotions this evokes range from sadness and concern to frustration and powerlessness. In such situations, it can be difficult to know how best to act and support your loved one. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to help them and guide them along the path to recovery.

The first and perhaps most important step is to talk openly about the problem. This can be a difficult and sensitive subject, but encouraging open communication is essential. It is important to set clear boundaries, for example by no longer enabling the addiction or by setting a deadline for arranging help. You should also make it clear that you are no longer prepared to tolerate the person’s behaviour.

Lying and deceit are characteristic of the disease of addiction. There is therefore a strong chance that your loved one will initially deny it outright or make excuses, before trying to negotiate with or persuade you. Do not go along with this. Avoid negotiating with the addiction and instead ask whether you can help find professional support.

If the person concerned does not seek help or is unable to overcome the addiction on their own, it is time to look for help together. This may range from finding suitable addiction treatment to consulting a professional care provider.

At this stage, it is important to attach consequences to failing to honour agreements or refusing help. This may mean withdrawing certain privileges or taking other appropriate measures. One example might be: "You have now shown that you cannot do this alone. We are going to find help together now, otherwise… I will no longer help you, I will distance myself from you emotionally, you will no longer receive money and you will no longer be welcome here."

If all other attempts to offer help have been unsuccessful, it may be time to arrange a professional intervention. This can provide a structured and organised way to confront the person with the consequences of their addictive behaviour and apply some pressure to encourage them to accept professional help. It is important to have a plan in place so that action can be taken fairly quickly (this is set in motion by the intervention team).

On the other hand, it may sometimes be necessary to let go. This gives the person space to experience the consequences of their behaviour for themselves. It is also important to prevent the situation from destroying your own wellbeing.

"We often see people with addiction holding those around them hostage. They may say things such as: If you don’t listen to me now or give me money, I’ll throw myself in front of a train. It is really just emotional blackmail."

Letting go of a loved one may be an incredibly difficult decision, but it may also be the only way to make the person realise that they need help.

It can be discouraging to see a loved one struggling with addiction, but it is important to remember that there is hope. By taking the right steps, such as discussing the problem openly, seeking help together and arranging an intervention if necessary, you can support your loved one through their recovery. Be patient, remain supportive and seek help and support for yourself if necessary. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of our loved ones who are struggling with addiction.